Happy Tears..

Today I am forty weeks (plus) pregnant with our first baby. Yes, I'm #StillPregnant! haha. Well that's almost 10 months of carrying a precious life, that is half of him and half of me inside my womb! O__o With Baby A's arrival only days away inshaallah, I can't help but think about how our marriage and friendship will change when we become a family.

It seems like just yesterday we got married..and decided to get pregnant after 8 months of blissfully being a newlywed! Hehe. And now I can't believe that we're just a few days away of starting a family and a new phase of life! ☺️

Throughout this three years of knowing Hazim and being married for a year and a half now, there is never a day that passes by I don't feel happy with him, alhamdullilah. We couldn't believe that we have made it over a year already. We both felt like we're only been married for about 3 months or so! haha. I guess when you're having fun, you won't realize how fast time flies! All praise to Allah, the Creator and Owner of happiness. I know a year is only a short period of time to judge and say this, and we have a long way to go still, but I am grateful with the blessings Allah has given me so far, and I will try to remember everyday that all these are from Allah, and not to take things for granted because he could easily take away everything that I have now... And I know, with a baby comes new responsibilities and a lot of exhaustion. So I hope that no matter what obstacles lie ahead of us, we can get through the early stages of parenthood together and grow closer as a family, Inshaallah.

Well..I never really share this with anyone, but tonight I think I just let my emotions write this... Sorry if I sounded a lil' cheesy here. Because who knows, after having kids, I won't be as romantic as I used to be, and I'll forget how and why did I fell in love with my husband.. - Not that I intend to, but with all the "mommy mode" I'll be having later on for the next 20 years, you never really know right..? So I would like to take this opportunity to say that you're an amazing person and and I will love you forever and will strive to be the best wife and mommy to your children, inshaalllah.  
Thank you for always being by my side through this life creating journey that we will some day tell to our kids as big adventures.. I know when I need someone you will be there. Thank you for being the one I can count on and trust with even my darkest fears and biggest dreams. It's not the big things that you do, but the little things can mean enough for me. I would pick no one besides you to be my partner in life. You are my love. You are my sunshine after the rain..

I know all this sounds cliché but sorry, like I said..tonight I am extra emotional.... thinking and remembering everything that has happened to me before, and how God has planned my life (so far) for the best, inshaallah.. ☺️
I have put all the negative memories behind, the day I met Hazim..but I don't know why, all of a sudden, everything came back in a flash to me tonight, and I remembered how destroyed I felt with everything last time - love, life, friends, etc... and how different my life is now! Syukur Ya Allah. Sometimes I wonder, what did I do right, that I get all these blessings from Him. Alhamdullilah.. I can't thank Him enough.. :'(

I remembered I cried horribly on my wedding day (you know the kind of cry where you can't control your chin and it starts to wobble and making your face look so damn ugly? Haha. Yeah, that type of cry!)  *Yes, big surprise here.. I'm a big weeper! Haha* - I just can't control the feeling of being SO happy, mashaallah. Probably because I was hurt so badly...and suddenly everything changed 360 degrees? So maybe that's why I am feeling a little bit emotional, I guess. -- I even cried in my sleep/dream even after I am already married at the time, because I just couldn't believe how happy I am and how different I feel inside out - Bahagiaaaaaa je rasa. Hahaha. xD

You know that feeling right..when you're too happy that you cry instead of smile? Uh-huh, that one! After the wedding, I actually cried almost every night for a month, when he already went to sleep! Yes, almost every night! LOL. When I looked at him, I just couldn't believe that I am married. That he is my husband and my beautiful fate. I just never thought I would ever feel this way and meet someone who would love and appreciate me in every way, and always strive to make me happy and speak so kindly towards me. It's like Allah answered my prayers and hear my thoughts and rintihan hati.. :') And that someone is not just a boyfriend to me but a life partner, a best friend, a husband and soon Inshaallah the father of my children. Someone that Allah has written his name in Luh Mahfuz as the one for me in this world and in His beautiful Jannah, Inshaallah.  --- He actually got a little confused whether or not I am happy being married to him, on the first few weeks, cuz I always woke him up that time, with the sound of me sobbing like a child in the middle of the night. Hahaha! :p

But I'm all stable now. Dah tak emotional dah. Dah normal balik. hahaha. Everyday I keep reminding myself about how I felt last time so I would always appreciate my husband, and love him whole heartedly and never take things for granted. He is really such an amazing person and husband and inshaallah an amazing dad as well. I am really, truly grateful for everything that has happened in my life, good or bad that leads me to finding this guy and be his lawfully wedded wife. And soon, a mother to his children! :)

All praise to the Almighty, the Owner of Happiness, the best of Planner and the Creator of everything that exists in this world.

I know all these happiness and kebahagiaan that I feel now is just a "loan" to me and a test in this dunya. Someone once told me that a spouse is a bless and a test from God. And I know in just seconds, He can take all these away... And I also know that it takes two people for a successful marriage, so I just wanted to let you know that having a child together will not hinder my duties as a wife to you, Inshaallah. If at first I struggle with the balance of the two, please have patience. We can grow together as parents as we have grown together into the adults we've recently become. My love for you has always been the strongest kind and will always be, inshallah. There's no other person I'd rather be on this journey with. All praise to Allah, the Creator of all things in this life. I know nothing lasts forever except Allah. So my only wish is for Him to be pleased with me and with us. Ameen. Ya rabb al ameen  :)

Enjoying the last few days as one!

Anyway....speaking about happy tears, I just can't even imagine when the day my child is born! Must be 10,000 times more happy than that bahagia feeling I felt when I got married, I guess? Tengok video orang lain beranak pun dah menangis, inikan pulak tengok baby sendiri. Such a beautiful gift! - A gift from heaven and Allah! Oh, I cannot wait!! Hopefully Allah will ease everything for me and for us, inshaallah.. ☺️

Wish me luck guys! Here's to MOMMYHOOD!!!!! :D



XOXO,
Shazzy.