The year 2015 is coming to an end.. and I just realized I still haven't update Ayden's birth story here! haha. Honestly they've been in the draft for too long, thus I thought I'm saving it for my last post for 2015, as he really is the highlight of my year! *first time mom syndrome* hehe. Anyway...here is my birth story! Finally! ;p
Actually, I wanted to have a 100% natural birth without any drugs (or at least less drugs) for my first child. Although I know that that's quite impossible when you're going to have your baby in a hospital, but I still wanted things to be as natural as possible so I began educating and preparing myself. I didn't want to blindly accept what the doctor suggested me to do because I believe that birth is a natural process...and it should not be treated like it's a "disease" or something. I am healthy and inshaallah I believe that my body will know what it's supposed to do. So I don't feel right about drugging my body and baby. And I don't like to just accept whatever that the doctor said because this is my body and I feel like I need to know everything, the pros and cons..the side effect, etc. So I attended a breastfeeding class, a Hypnobirthing class, I listened to the pregnancy affirmation everyday since I entered the third trimester, I watched loads of birthing videos since the day I found out that I was pregnant, learned about the many comfortable labor positions and the breathing techniques, I ate and drank lotsa natural herbs to ease the labor and I talked to a few people who has done the natural birth.
So I thought I had a birth plan. I didn't want an induction, I want my labor to be in any position I wanted, I want my baby to be immediately put on my chest, delay cord clamping and no pain meds to name a few...
I really really wanted as natural, calm and confident birth as I could, after watching and hearing people's stories and experiences. In fact, I am so excited for labor to come because I really want to experience it! haha. My friends say I'm weird! But when you watch women giving birth for every day since day 1 of pregnancy..You just can't wait for your turn! hehe. I really was so excited for it to happen... Call me crazy, but I think birth is a beautiful thing to see! All that blood or scream didn't really bother me. I cry every time I see a woman giving birth to her child. It's just a magical moment...seeing them meet for the first time! Awww... Allah has created us women to be able to bring another human being into this world! So amazing, mashaallah! Plus.... besar sangat pahala melahirkan anak. So..ok la kan kalau sakit sikit? heheh
Anyway I also found out about Hypnobabies when I was about 9 month pregnant. I got all the home study material and dove right in. I read the entire book every night before bed, which educated me on so many different things and I also started listening to the tracks to learn about the deep relaxation. I didn’t know how well this would work for me since you’re supposed to start the program pretty early in the pregnancy, but when I was falling asleep while listening to the tracks, I knew it was doing something! Or maybe because by the time you've reached the 9th month milestone, you are always so tired and sleepy! haha
My due date was supposed to be on the 1st May 2015. But....my baby loved sitting inside my tummy a little longer, he decided to make the big entrance about a week after that! hehe. Tu pun, kena paksa dia keluar.. Most of my friends had their baby at 37 or 38 weeks. Even both my sisters had their babies at 38 weeks.. So I thought mine would be on the 37 or 38 weeks as well. So since the beginning of the 37th week, I was really prepared mentally, emotionally and physically for my labor to come. I'm waiting for all the signals. Braxton Hicks or contraction, or mucus/bloody show or water to break...or just anything at all. After weeks of anticipation....still no signs, nothing! >_<
I still feel fine. I feel normal. And I feel like having another round of ice cream some more. heh
By the time I reached 39 weeks, I am quite frustrated that my baby still didn't want to come out and meet me! I gave up my VIP seats for Backstreet Boys World Tour Concert because I thought my water would break during that concert! haha. Oh man...I really wished I didn't sell the tickets and went to the concert! I so wanna meet Kevin and Brian! Lol :D
So after passing my due date, on the 3rd May we went for a fetal monitoring tests. The test showed my baby has very good levels of amniotic fluid and great heart beat which means he's receiving plenty of oxygen and moving well. But my doctor said if he's not here by 4th or 5th May, I have to go to the hospital for induction on the 6 or 7th May. At this point I was so frustrated. I didn't want any of the drug. Not because I am afraid or anything...but because I really wanted and hoped for a natural, no drug birth after reading so many stories on natural birth. Plus, everybody I knew keep on telling me that induction is really really REALLY painful because you're going to have contraction all the time! And it's kinda like you're forcing your body and baby to start labor when he and your body are not quite ready yet. So it could lead to labor being too long and painful...or, the thing I don't want the most; emergency cesarean...tskk. I was soooo nervous about getting induced! I really didn't want it to happen because I'm afraid that I won't be able to bear the pain and then I may ended up taking the epidural or even worse, I may have to go under the knife!
I talked to the doctor to wait a little more. I said I want to try until at least I am 41 weeks and 3 days... But he was away on that 12th May onwards... He said his last day before he's off for a week would be on the Friday 8th May. So the last day that I should be at the hospital would be 7th May if I wanted him to deliver my baby. Hmm......
I was getting pretty frustrated at this point actually, because I was over 40 weeks, yet no signs at all. And then I was 41 weeks and my doctor suggested me to have my baby before his holiday. -__-'
It was so important for me to go into labor on my own and I tried really hard to avoid induction. However, when nothing was working to get it going, I just couldn’t go on any longer. The baby was still not ready to see the world so we just have to force it to come out and say hello..
I had pretty much been pregnant for 10 months! The doctor gave us a few more days to wait and try to induce labor naturally. Believe me we've tried EVERYTHING that is on the list/book that says natural ways to induce labor, to avoid me turning myself into the hospital, asking for induction. But....I guess Allah has written when exactly my baby would be born... Semua dah tertulis, termaktub. Hence, on that 7th May after going for a jog that morning, after cleaning the toilets in the afternoon and ate more than 20 pieces of dates and pineapples, still no signs of labor at all... So I gave up and didn't want to risk my child's life. Off we went to the hospital.
So we took the bag that I've packed 4 weeks ago, and drove straight to Prince Court Medical Centre. We arrived at 8.00 pm on that Thursday. At this point, I really didn't care about natural labor whatsoever. I just want to meet my baby! Induce pun induce lahhh... Just do anything, asalkan keluar si comel ni! huhu..
Husband asked me, "Do you want to eat anything before your pantang starts?" I said NO! Look at my size..I've done eating my whole life! Please just send me to the labor room naowww, I tak sabar nak beranak ni! hahaha.
We went straight to Level 6 to register and check in to the Junior Suite Room. I brought all 4 bags with me. That night I feel like going to a hotel/vacation instead of a hospital because I was really excited instead of feeling nervous about my labor. It's like going for an adventure! hahahah
After we have settled down and make ourselves comfortable, the nurse came in at 9.10 pm, to check the opening of my cervix. I was only 1.5 cm dilated. Then at 9.30 pm she did the CTG scan for about 30 minutes, and later started to jab me for an IV.
At 10.00 pm the nurse came in to insert the Pitocin in my body. What's a Pitocin, my friend asked me.. - Well it's a synthetic version of oxytocin hormone, which runs around your body to make your uterus contract! Thus, labor might be on the way! God bless technology. LOL
But I wish she would just break my water instead of giving me that pill to start my contraction. It really felt uncomfortable. I hated it. She said this would start the contraction/surge.. but I still haven't had any contraction or feel anything for a few hours... Tipu punya ubat! Pffft.
At 11.00 pm, another nurse came in to do the CTG scan again. At this time, my husband is already asleep...and I'm so jealous because I couldn't sleep at all. That damn pill is making my down there felt really really uncomfortable! The nurse asked me to sleep because tomorrow would be my big day so I need as much rest as I could. She said she will wake me up at 5.00 am to check whether I am making any progress. Buttttttt.......I couldn't sleep at all! Not because my husband is snoring so loudly, but because I have mixed feelings. Sad, excited, happy, afraid, anxious, tak sabar...etc! When I'm excited, I really really can't sleep! The same thing happened a day before my wedding! LOL
Anyway...so I was wide awake that night... The whole 6 hours I was watching TV, reading back my post on pregnancy, reciting all the necessary surahs for ease labor, reminiscing my sweet moments with my husband...and imagining how my labor would be like...
Suddenly at 4.40 am, somebody knocked my door and wished "Good Morning!". I was like, huh? already? But I didn't feel a thing yet??! - She did a CTG scan again.. And after that, at 5.03 am, she came in again and checked my cervix whether I am making any progress.
Well, I was STILL 1.5 cm dilated. No wonder I didn't feel a thing! My body didn't react to the pill I guess? So she said she will insert another one later! Oh man...I hated her!
At 5.55 am she came in to do another CTG scan. And at around 6.20 am, she gave me this pill that made me poop 10 minutes after taking it...so I won't be pooping while pushing my baby when I'm in labor later on. Yep. Labor is not a really a beautiful thing to see actually. haha
Then after Subuh prayer, I walked around the room a lot, hoping that my cervix would open some more..and that I'd feel the contraction so I won't need another induction. I even did the jalan itik for an hour around the room until I was so tired. I didn't sleep that night so I don't have much energy left actually.
At 8.15 am they sent me to the labor room. I was quite surprised as I didn't think I was in labor yet? I asked the nurse, she said I will be spending the whole day there, waiting for labor... I was like wow, okayyyy... What if somebody else is dilated at 9 -10 cm and ready to push? I'm only 1.5 cm and already being sent to the labor room? Are they going to speed up my labor by doing cesarean instead? That was my very thought! haha. She laughed at my questions and said, "Don't worry we have plenty of labor rooms. Plus, today all the women in labors are all under the same doctor as yours. So everything will be ok". Dalam hati, hmm...memang doctor ni plan nak beranakkan semua patient dia sebelum dia cuti la tu...
Seriously doctor! You should have EXPLAINED it to me beforehand!!! I was not mentally prepared!!!! Ughh. I'm so angry thinking about that moment! >__<
Anyways...because I was so shocked and had a panicked attack, I shivered like crazy the whole time! Seriously it was so bad.. I've never shivered like that in my entire life. It's hard to breathe...it's hard to talk, I felt really really cold...and uncomfortable and worst of all, I can't focus on whatever that I have planned and learned. I looked like I have a Parkinson's disease! Seriously my body is trembling all over! I stuttered when I talk. I can't control my legs, my hands, everything... I was shivering like hell. I can't control my movement at all! And all I kept asking the nurse/midwives was, "Why is this happening to me??! How do I stop this??! What's happening to meeeeee?!"
I don't know whether this is what contraction did to you...or I wasn't simply mentally prepared and was literally so shocked to death! - Ni la namanya terkejut beruk agaknya! haha
My husband was standing beside me all the time. He asked me to breathe. And said all the positive words. I slowly felt a little bit calm when I listened to his soothing words and breathe loudly and think of the positive vibes... The shivering stopped for awhile when I focused on my breathing. But when I stopped doing that, it came back again. I shivered for about 2 hours.. all the time!
Is that what a contraction did to your WHOLE body?? I thought contraction would be around the belly and back?? Why did that happen to me?! My whole body shivered like crazy. I hated that feeling! I dunno why I was so upset with my doctor. It was really really uncomfortable feeling when the body is trembling all the way for two hours! I couldn't focus on breathing down my baby at all. I was feeling a little sad actually..because I was so ready to be all positive and happy on my labor. I went to a Hypnobirth class for God's sake! I listened to the positive affirmation everyday for the past 4 months! But somehow the doctor messed up my mind! >__<
Anyway..during that two hours bearing the pain and shivering all along, the nurses kept on coming in to check on me and asking me whether I want an epidural or not. I kept saying no because I want to know how painful a contraction really is. lol
My husband has been so amazing in the labor room. I once read to him that happy thoughts and laughter can actually release the oxytocin hormones. The hormones that make the uterus contract. So being a clown himself, he didn't stop making jokes in that labor room! Maybe I'll share some of his videos he took while he's in the labor room, when I found the file. Anyway...He was so supportive and funny and making jokes all around, trying to make me stay happy and positive during that whole time! I was smiling most of the time while bearing the pain, and there were a few times when he made me laugh so hard, I felt a lot of water coming out! I guess that's what oxytocin did to me! haha. Pretty awesome! Lol
But by 11.00 am, I have lost most of my energy, bearing the pain for 2 hours straight. Plus, I didn't sleep the night before, remember? And with all that screaming, crying, shouting, shocking, panicking, shivering that happened earlier...has really drained me. I cried to my husband. I said, I couldn't bear this shivering anymore.. and I don't think your jokes can even help me with this. I said I think I need a drug. Please just gimme any painkiller to help me with this shivering. I can't breathe and focus at all. Plus, with the nurses kept on coming in every few minutes has really bothered me even though I was wearing that mask to cover my eyes.
Whatever that I have learned and planned, semua dah ke laut! Menggigil teruk sangat2....sampai penat sangat jadinya. Tak larat dah nak tahan. tskkk. Semoga Allah mengampuni dosa-dosaku..
Then at 11.10 am, the nurse came in to check again on my cervix. This time I was 5 cm dilated. The doctor came in, and asked me "Are you really sure you can bear this pain? It's going to feel a lot more painful at 10 cm. It's going to be really different from what you're experiencing now. If you want epidural, this would be your last call. If you can't bear the pain now at 5 cm, imagine what the pain will be like at 10 cm. Are you really really sure that you can do it?? Most people cannot handle. I think it's better for you to take."
Danggggggggggggggg.
The doctor and the nurses are testing my iman! They kept on saying the word "Are you sure? Are you sure?". Well of course I'm not sure! I haven't been into labor before! You're supposed to tell me that I can do thissssss.... Not making me doubt with my choice and ability.... ish
So...I guess I was not that strong after all. There were 4 people in that room suggesting and convincing me to take epidural. Everyone in that room except my husband, has really messed up my mind since the moment they checked my cervix till you broke my water without my consent/mentally prepared. tskkk. So yes...I asked for that happy drug at last... Only because I wanted to rest a bit before showtime. I was too damn exhausted from that trembling and not sleeping the night before. I just needed to get some rest as the doctor predicted that I may start pushing at 3.00 pm.. So I thought..hmm...maybe I should just take the epidural and sleep for awhile? Cuz I might have a few hours to go before 3.00 pm. haha
So at 11.15 am, my husband went out to look for the nurse. He told her that I finally wanted the magic juice. The nurse told him that the doctor is not available immediately, and that I have to wait for him. - We waited for about 30 minutes. During this time, my husband made a lot of jokes. I laughed so hard even though I was in a lot of pain.. My water came out even more this time..
My husband told me, the whole time I was sleeping, my contraction was getting higher and higher! But I didn't move or feel any pain at all and still sound asleep. My hands and legs are not trembling anymore. I didn't feel the contraction. I was more relaxed and happy again! Oh man...epidural is awesome! I guess I am also a #teamepidural! hahaha.
At 1.20 pm, the nurse woke me up. She needed to check the opening of my cervix again... This time, it was already 9 cm! Wow...but I still didn't feel a thing! In fact, having slept/rest for one and a half hour has made me regain my strength a bit. However, the look on her face didn't seem right. She looked nervous and worried and really pale... She kept on saying "I couldn't get your baby's heartbeat. Baby you ni main-main pulak kejap ada, kejap tak ada.". But I don't know why I wasn't so worried with her words at that time. Maybe I was still so sleepy. Or maybe because deep down inside, I know my baby is going to be okay..
By 1.30 pm, she asked me to start pushing. She said the baby's heartbeat is getting weaker. So she needed me to push! I was still half sleeping that time.. Quite surprised actually, to be waking up to that info! Still trying to digest and process..huhu
We tried pushing for about 25 minutes. I didn't quite know how to push I guess, because I didn't feel the contraction! Or maybe I was just really really sleepy!
Then she ran out to call the doctor... She looked so panic. But I was still so blur! I was like "Why is she panicking? I'm the one who's going to give birth. Not her!" haha. At 1.55 pm, my doctor came in and ask me to try to push again. He reduced the amount of my epidural for me to feel the contraction...and ask me to push again. Honestly..I didn't have much energy left during this time. So I guess I wasn't really "pushing" just now. But when the doctor told me, if within an hour I am still not able to push my baby out, he will have to do an emergency cesarean because my baby's heartbeat is dropping. At that time it was 2.05 pm. The minute I heard the word "CESAREAN", it was like a wake up call to me... Ding...ding ding!!! Time to push Wani oi!!! This is not a game! Your baby is coming out nowwww! I gained all my energy inside my body to push out my baby even harder!
One...two...three...PUSH!!! One...two...three...PUSH! One...two...three...PUSH! A
t 2.12 pm, my beautiful baby boy was born with the help of a vacuum!!!!
Actually I was quite upset that I didn't get the chance to put the baby on my chest right away. I told my doctor and the nurses earlier, that I wanted to do that. I didn't want them to clean him right away. But because his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, so my doctor had to cut it immediately. Even my husband didn't get the chance to do that. My baby's life was much more important than cutting it.. So it's ok. - Apparently, he couldn't breathe. Oh poor you my sweet little boy! God knows what would happen if I couldn't push you out in time... T__T
The picture above was my very first view of my baby.. The moment they have done with checking and cleaning him, they put him in the bassinet right next to my bed. I looked to my right and saw this beautiful baby boy looking so confused. hehe. Awww...you must be thinking why the world is not dark anymore, ha? hehe. We both looked at him and we cried. We can't believe that that's our son! Our first born! I looked at him and say "That's our son??! That's our first child? I'm a mother now? That little boy is mineeeee!". LOL.
My husband gave salam and recited the azan to his ears..and later, the nurse let me hold him and taught me how to nurse him. He latched on right away! Good job son. You're one brilliant baby! hehe.
They let me hold my baby for one hour in the labor room. It's our bonding session. Our first date. And I fell in love immediately. He looked to my eyes and I said, "Assalamualaikum... Hello little boy! I'm your mother!". And I cried while holding him. The feeling of meeting and holding your own baby for the first time, is amazing mashaallah. God is the greatest!
Anyway...although I had quite a traumatic experience in the labor room, but I'm glad that it only lasted for 2 hours. I heard so many stories before, and compared to mine, it was actually not such a big deal, thanks to epidural for saving the day! hehe. If God bless us with another child, I still want to experience a natural, comfortable birth if I could. But who knows..if I were to get this kind of experience again, then maybe I'd still opt for the epidural again! haha
I was not really upset with my doctor the minute Ayden was born healthily and normal. Lol. Plus, I did not have any complications during labor and even after that. Maybe at that moment, I was just too shock and upset because it didn't happen according to the way I imagined or planned/wanted. So I guess my doctor really knew what he was doing after all. He's been doing it for many years already... But if you ask me if I want him to be my gynae again if I were to get pregnant once more, I'd say....umm..not really. hehe. I'd like to try someone else. Maybe after this a water birth! hehe.
But overall, I give my the whole labor experience an 8/10. I'm really glad that my labor was quite short. Some people were in labor for 15 hours or more. And I'm so glad mine was only 5 hours. Alhamdullilah. Everything went well. Thank you doctor for saving my son's life..and thanks for everything! :)
XOXO,
Ayden's Mommy.
Actually, I wanted to have a 100% natural birth without any drugs (or at least less drugs) for my first child. Although I know that that's quite impossible when you're going to have your baby in a hospital, but I still wanted things to be as natural as possible so I began educating and preparing myself. I didn't want to blindly accept what the doctor suggested me to do because I believe that birth is a natural process...and it should not be treated like it's a "disease" or something. I am healthy and inshaallah I believe that my body will know what it's supposed to do. So I don't feel right about drugging my body and baby. And I don't like to just accept whatever that the doctor said because this is my body and I feel like I need to know everything, the pros and cons..the side effect, etc. So I attended a breastfeeding class, a Hypnobirthing class, I listened to the pregnancy affirmation everyday since I entered the third trimester, I watched loads of birthing videos since the day I found out that I was pregnant, learned about the many comfortable labor positions and the breathing techniques, I ate and drank lotsa natural herbs to ease the labor and I talked to a few people who has done the natural birth.
So I thought I had a birth plan. I didn't want an induction, I want my labor to be in any position I wanted, I want my baby to be immediately put on my chest, delay cord clamping and no pain meds to name a few...
I really really wanted as natural, calm and confident birth as I could, after watching and hearing people's stories and experiences. In fact, I am so excited for labor to come because I really want to experience it! haha. My friends say I'm weird! But when you watch women giving birth for every day since day 1 of pregnancy..You just can't wait for your turn! hehe. I really was so excited for it to happen... Call me crazy, but I think birth is a beautiful thing to see! All that blood or scream didn't really bother me. I cry every time I see a woman giving birth to her child. It's just a magical moment...seeing them meet for the first time! Awww... Allah has created us women to be able to bring another human being into this world! So amazing, mashaallah! Plus.... besar sangat pahala melahirkan anak. So..ok la kan kalau sakit sikit? heheh
Anyway I also found out about Hypnobabies when I was about 9 month pregnant. I got all the home study material and dove right in. I read the entire book every night before bed, which educated me on so many different things and I also started listening to the tracks to learn about the deep relaxation. I didn’t know how well this would work for me since you’re supposed to start the program pretty early in the pregnancy, but when I was falling asleep while listening to the tracks, I knew it was doing something! Or maybe because by the time you've reached the 9th month milestone, you are always so tired and sleepy! haha
My due date was supposed to be on the 1st May 2015. But....my baby loved sitting inside my tummy a little longer, he decided to make the big entrance about a week after that! hehe. Tu pun, kena paksa dia keluar.. Most of my friends had their baby at 37 or 38 weeks. Even both my sisters had their babies at 38 weeks.. So I thought mine would be on the 37 or 38 weeks as well. So since the beginning of the 37th week, I was really prepared mentally, emotionally and physically for my labor to come. I'm waiting for all the signals. Braxton Hicks or contraction, or mucus/bloody show or water to break...or just anything at all. After weeks of anticipation....still no signs, nothing! >_<
I still feel fine. I feel normal. And I feel like having another round of ice cream some more. heh
By the time I reached 39 weeks, I am quite frustrated that my baby still didn't want to come out and meet me! I gave up my VIP seats for Backstreet Boys World Tour Concert because I thought my water would break during that concert! haha. Oh man...I really wished I didn't sell the tickets and went to the concert! I so wanna meet Kevin and Brian! Lol :D
So after passing my due date, on the 3rd May we went for a fetal monitoring tests. The test showed my baby has very good levels of amniotic fluid and great heart beat which means he's receiving plenty of oxygen and moving well. But my doctor said if he's not here by 4th or 5th May, I have to go to the hospital for induction on the 6 or 7th May. At this point I was so frustrated. I didn't want any of the drug. Not because I am afraid or anything...but because I really wanted and hoped for a natural, no drug birth after reading so many stories on natural birth. Plus, everybody I knew keep on telling me that induction is really really REALLY painful because you're going to have contraction all the time! And it's kinda like you're forcing your body and baby to start labor when he and your body are not quite ready yet. So it could lead to labor being too long and painful...or, the thing I don't want the most; emergency cesarean...tskk. I was soooo nervous about getting induced! I really didn't want it to happen because I'm afraid that I won't be able to bear the pain and then I may ended up taking the epidural or even worse, I may have to go under the knife!
I was getting pretty frustrated at this point actually, because I was over 40 weeks, yet no signs at all. And then I was 41 weeks and my doctor suggested me to have my baby before his holiday. -__-'
It was so important for me to go into labor on my own and I tried really hard to avoid induction. However, when nothing was working to get it going, I just couldn’t go on any longer. The baby was still not ready to see the world so we just have to force it to come out and say hello..
Still pregnant at 41 weeks!
I had pretty much been pregnant for 10 months! The doctor gave us a few more days to wait and try to induce labor naturally. Believe me we've tried EVERYTHING that is on the list/book that says natural ways to induce labor, to avoid me turning myself into the hospital, asking for induction. But....I guess Allah has written when exactly my baby would be born... Semua dah tertulis, termaktub. Hence, on that 7th May after going for a jog that morning, after cleaning the toilets in the afternoon and ate more than 20 pieces of dates and pineapples, still no signs of labor at all... So I gave up and didn't want to risk my child's life. Off we went to the hospital.
So we took the bag that I've packed 4 weeks ago, and drove straight to Prince Court Medical Centre. We arrived at 8.00 pm on that Thursday. At this point, I really didn't care about natural labor whatsoever. I just want to meet my baby! Induce pun induce lahhh... Just do anything, asalkan keluar si comel ni! huhu..
Husband asked me, "Do you want to eat anything before your pantang starts?" I said NO! Look at my size..I've done eating my whole life! Please just send me to the labor room naowww, I tak sabar nak beranak ni! hahaha.
On the way to PCMC. So excited to birth my baby out! Lol
We went straight to Level 6 to register and check in to the Junior Suite Room. I brought all 4 bags with me. That night I feel like going to a hotel/vacation instead of a hospital because I was really excited instead of feeling nervous about my labor. It's like going for an adventure! hahahah
Upon arriving to my room, the nurse gave me this robe and slippers.. and some toilettries too..
She asked me to change before she started checking my cervix. Erkk.. I hate that part! huu
Feeling so excited already! LOL
My sweet nurse is preparing my bed for me
"She's going to induce me and labor will start soon. This is it honey! We're going to be parents!" I said to my husband before she inserted the Pitocin into the vajajay later that night! Yeekkk.. Sorry body, you had to receive that pill! tskk
At 10.00 pm the nurse came in to insert the Pitocin in my body. What's a Pitocin, my friend asked me.. - Well it's a synthetic version of oxytocin hormone, which runs around your body to make your uterus contract! Thus, labor might be on the way! God bless technology. LOL
But I wish she would just break my water instead of giving me that pill to start my contraction. It really felt uncomfortable. I hated it. She said this would start the contraction/surge.. but I still haven't had any contraction or feel anything for a few hours... Tipu punya ubat! Pffft.
At 11.00 pm, another nurse came in to do the CTG scan again. At this time, my husband is already asleep...and I'm so jealous because I couldn't sleep at all. That damn pill is making my down there felt really really uncomfortable! The nurse asked me to sleep because tomorrow would be my big day so I need as much rest as I could. She said she will wake me up at 5.00 am to check whether I am making any progress. Buttttttt.......I couldn't sleep at all! Not because my husband is snoring so loudly, but because I have mixed feelings. Sad, excited, happy, afraid, anxious, tak sabar...etc! When I'm excited, I really really can't sleep! The same thing happened a day before my wedding! LOL
Anyway...so I was wide awake that night... The whole 6 hours I was watching TV, reading back my post on pregnancy, reciting all the necessary surahs for ease labor, reminiscing my sweet moments with my husband...and imagining how my labor would be like...
Suddenly at 4.40 am, somebody knocked my door and wished "Good Morning!". I was like, huh? already? But I didn't feel a thing yet??! - She did a CTG scan again.. And after that, at 5.03 am, she came in again and checked my cervix whether I am making any progress.
Well, I was STILL 1.5 cm dilated. No wonder I didn't feel a thing! My body didn't react to the pill I guess? So she said she will insert another one later! Oh man...I hated her!
At 5.55 am she came in to do another CTG scan. And at around 6.20 am, she gave me this pill that made me poop 10 minutes after taking it...so I won't be pooping while pushing my baby when I'm in labor later on. Yep. Labor is not a really a beautiful thing to see actually. haha
Then after Subuh prayer, I walked around the room a lot, hoping that my cervix would open some more..and that I'd feel the contraction so I won't need another induction. I even did the jalan itik for an hour around the room until I was so tired. I didn't sleep that night so I don't have much energy left actually.
At 8.15 am they sent me to the labor room. I was quite surprised as I didn't think I was in labor yet? I asked the nurse, she said I will be spending the whole day there, waiting for labor... I was like wow, okayyyy... What if somebody else is dilated at 9 -10 cm and ready to push? I'm only 1.5 cm and already being sent to the labor room? Are they going to speed up my labor by doing cesarean instead? That was my very thought! haha. She laughed at my questions and said, "Don't worry we have plenty of labor rooms. Plus, today all the women in labors are all under the same doctor as yours. So everything will be ok". Dalam hati, hmm...memang doctor ni plan nak beranakkan semua patient dia sebelum dia cuti la tu...
So here's my labor room..
One kakak came in to take my order for my lunch menu.
She then served me some breads and croissants for breakfast at 8.30 am before I start my day to becoming a mommy! haha
After having my breakfast...I really didn't know what to expect. I thought I would just waiting for the contraction to come naturally. So I spent some time reciting surah-surah that I downloaded on my phone. Then, at 8.50 am, the nurse came in again to check my cervix. She said I'm already 3 cm dilated. I guess that jalan itik that I did earlier, has helped to open my cervix a little bit more. haha. I was so happy and excited to hear that because I still didn't feel any pain at all.. So I thought I could handle the pain at 5 cm, 7 cm, 9 cm etc etc.. Because I had a friend who can't even bear the pain at 1 cm...while me, at 3 cm still didn't feel a thing! I was quite confident that I could do it... Ceh, perasan nya.. hahaha. I had no idea what labor feels like!
Then at 9.00 am my doctor came in. He looked kinda rush and stressed out. I was told by the nurse, he had 6 patients that day. Hmm.... patut la.
He said "Hello good morning", and then immediately inserted his hand with something and broke my water without me knowing what he's about to do! I guess he was really really busy that day he got no time to explain that tiny details to his patients! I thought he was just checking my cervix like what the previous nurse did to me. But it turns out he broke the water without telling me first! It happened within split seconds... I was really really in shock when the water broke! It was quite painful and I didn't know what to expect! I didn't know that that warm feeling under my butt is my water! I screamed because I was too shocked! Kinda like having panic attack actually. I think some nerves in my brain may have died because I was too shock at that moment! After the water broke, only then the doctor explained to me "You are now 3 cm dilated so I break your water to start the contraction and your labor". Then he went off again to see his other patients.
Honestly it's not that painful when he broke my water..but I was just so shocked and not ready! My mind and body is not ready AT ALL. I thought at least he could have tell me what he was about to do and how or what would I feel or whatever! Just describe anything or tell me!!! Don't just come to my room and then broke my water without even telling me what you're about to do to me and then leave! My mind is not ready at all! :(
So because I was in shocked and panicked, immediately after the water broke, my whole body shivered like crazy!!! I was too shocked! I wasn't prepared at all! Within that split second moment happened, when I felt that warm thing coming out from me, I really thought that my uterus is tearing and that the warm thing is actually my blood! hahaha xD
That's why I was so shocked when it happened! I couldn't think or hear anyone saying anything anymore! My husband had to hold me to calm me down. I was like a crazy person shouting and crying "What is that? What is that??!!", even though they have already told me that that's my water not blood! huhu
Anyways...because I was so shocked and had a panicked attack, I shivered like crazy the whole time! Seriously it was so bad.. I've never shivered like that in my entire life. It's hard to breathe...it's hard to talk, I felt really really cold...and uncomfortable and worst of all, I can't focus on whatever that I have planned and learned. I looked like I have a Parkinson's disease! Seriously my body is trembling all over! I stuttered when I talk. I can't control my legs, my hands, everything... I was shivering like hell. I can't control my movement at all! And all I kept asking the nurse/midwives was, "Why is this happening to me??! How do I stop this??! What's happening to meeeeee?!"
I don't know whether this is what contraction did to you...or I wasn't simply mentally prepared and was literally so shocked to death! - Ni la namanya terkejut beruk agaknya! haha
My husband was standing beside me all the time. He asked me to breathe. And said all the positive words. I slowly felt a little bit calm when I listened to his soothing words and breathe loudly and think of the positive vibes... The shivering stopped for awhile when I focused on my breathing. But when I stopped doing that, it came back again. I shivered for about 2 hours.. all the time!
Is that what a contraction did to your WHOLE body?? I thought contraction would be around the belly and back?? Why did that happen to me?! My whole body shivered like crazy. I hated that feeling! I dunno why I was so upset with my doctor. It was really really uncomfortable feeling when the body is trembling all the way for two hours! I couldn't focus on breathing down my baby at all. I was feeling a little sad actually..because I was so ready to be all positive and happy on my labor. I went to a Hypnobirth class for God's sake! I listened to the positive affirmation everyday for the past 4 months! But somehow the doctor messed up my mind! >__<
Anyway..during that two hours bearing the pain and shivering all along, the nurses kept on coming in to check on me and asking me whether I want an epidural or not. I kept saying no because I want to know how painful a contraction really is. lol
I put on my sleeping mask and turn on the positive affirmation that I downloaded on my phone, to focus on my breathing and the positive words. I didn't want to see the CTG machine. I didn't want to see nurses. I didn't want to know what time is it. I didn't want to see they changed the drip or whatever. I just didn't want to see anything at all! Cuz I felt like all that are such a distraction to me and can mess up my mind so easily! I just want to regain back my positive vibes and go to my happy place and I just want to focus on breathing down my baby naturally...
My husband has been so amazing in the labor room. I once read to him that happy thoughts and laughter can actually release the oxytocin hormones. The hormones that make the uterus contract. So being a clown himself, he didn't stop making jokes in that labor room! Maybe I'll share some of his videos he took while he's in the labor room, when I found the file. Anyway...He was so supportive and funny and making jokes all around, trying to make me stay happy and positive during that whole time! I was smiling most of the time while bearing the pain, and there were a few times when he made me laugh so hard, I felt a lot of water coming out! I guess that's what oxytocin did to me! haha. Pretty awesome! Lol
But by 11.00 am, I have lost most of my energy, bearing the pain for 2 hours straight. Plus, I didn't sleep the night before, remember? And with all that screaming, crying, shouting, shocking, panicking, shivering that happened earlier...has really drained me. I cried to my husband. I said, I couldn't bear this shivering anymore.. and I don't think your jokes can even help me with this. I said I think I need a drug. Please just gimme any painkiller to help me with this shivering. I can't breathe and focus at all. Plus, with the nurses kept on coming in every few minutes has really bothered me even though I was wearing that mask to cover my eyes.
So the nurse gave me this laughing gas. It helped a little. I didn't feel pain. I felt high. But I think I was breathing the gas way too much, that I vomited after that! Euww..
At this point...the pain was unbearable. It's hard to control your breathing when the contraction comes, especially when you are constantly trembling! Ughhh...I just can't focus on anything anymore! Plus...I was already so exhausted. I don't have much energy left..and I just want to sleep! :(
Then at 11.10 am, the nurse came in to check again on my cervix. This time I was 5 cm dilated. The doctor came in, and asked me "Are you really sure you can bear this pain? It's going to feel a lot more painful at 10 cm. It's going to be really different from what you're experiencing now. If you want epidural, this would be your last call. If you can't bear the pain now at 5 cm, imagine what the pain will be like at 10 cm. Are you really really sure that you can do it?? Most people cannot handle. I think it's better for you to take."
The doctor and the nurses are testing my iman! They kept on saying the word "Are you sure? Are you sure?". Well of course I'm not sure! I haven't been into labor before! You're supposed to tell me that I can do thissssss.... Not making me doubt with my choice and ability.... ish
So...I guess I was not that strong after all. There were 4 people in that room suggesting and convincing me to take epidural. Everyone in that room except my husband, has really messed up my mind since the moment they checked my cervix till you broke my water without my consent/mentally prepared. tskkk. So yes...I asked for that happy drug at last... Only because I wanted to rest a bit before showtime. I was too damn exhausted from that trembling and not sleeping the night before. I just needed to get some rest as the doctor predicted that I may start pushing at 3.00 pm.. So I thought..hmm...maybe I should just take the epidural and sleep for awhile? Cuz I might have a few hours to go before 3.00 pm. haha
So at 11.15 am, my husband went out to look for the nurse. He told her that I finally wanted the magic juice. The nurse told him that the doctor is not available immediately, and that I have to wait for him. - We waited for about 30 minutes. During this time, my husband made a lot of jokes. I laughed so hard even though I was in a lot of pain.. My water came out even more this time..
On 11.45 am, the epidural doctor has finally arrived! Oh...I was so happy, I just couldn't wait to sleep! Tak larat sangat dah, I've been up for more than 24 hours. I felt like a pregnant zombie already. So he injected the epidural in my spine. It was painful at first... Like an electric shock. haha. But then I felt nothing! Within 5 to 10 minutes I didn't feel anything! Oh my goddddddd...what an amazing invention ever!!! hahaha. My legs didn't tremble. I can breathe normally. And best of all, there's no contraction! Yay!
Then the nurse wanted to check on me again at 12.05 pm. - This time I was already 7 cm dilated. 3 cm more to go before I can start pushing! For less than 1 hour, I went from 5 cm to 7 cm! That oxytocin hormone is so awesome, man! Thanks darling for making me laugh so much! heheh
Anyway, when the nurse came in, she went to check the CTG, her face was quite worried and pale. I asked her what's wrong...she kept her cool and said nothing. Then a few minutes later, at 12.10 pm, she asked me to start using the oxygen mask because the baby's heartbeat is getting weaker/drop. I was too weak and sleepy to even bother and worried about what she said. I just left everything to Allah. So I took the oxygen mask...and one minute after that....
I sleep soundly!!!
By 1.30 pm, she asked me to start pushing. She said the baby's heartbeat is getting weaker. So she needed me to push! I was still half sleeping that time.. Quite surprised actually, to be waking up to that info! Still trying to digest and process..huhu
We tried pushing for about 25 minutes. I didn't quite know how to push I guess, because I didn't feel the contraction! Or maybe I was just really really sleepy!
Then she ran out to call the doctor... She looked so panic. But I was still so blur! I was like "Why is she panicking? I'm the one who's going to give birth. Not her!" haha. At 1.55 pm, my doctor came in and ask me to try to push again. He reduced the amount of my epidural for me to feel the contraction...and ask me to push again. Honestly..I didn't have much energy left during this time. So I guess I wasn't really "pushing" just now. But when the doctor told me, if within an hour I am still not able to push my baby out, he will have to do an emergency cesarean because my baby's heartbeat is dropping. At that time it was 2.05 pm. The minute I heard the word "CESAREAN", it was like a wake up call to me... Ding...ding ding!!! Time to push Wani oi!!! This is not a game! Your baby is coming out nowwww! I gained all my energy inside my body to push out my baby even harder!
One...two...three...PUSH!!! One...two...three...PUSH! One...two...three...PUSH! A
t 2.12 pm, my beautiful baby boy was born with the help of a vacuum!!!!
That's my baby. We named him Ayden Iskandar which means the intelligent leader, inshaallah.
:)
Actually I was quite upset that I didn't get the chance to put the baby on my chest right away. I told my doctor and the nurses earlier, that I wanted to do that. I didn't want them to clean him right away. But because his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, so my doctor had to cut it immediately. Even my husband didn't get the chance to do that. My baby's life was much more important than cutting it.. So it's ok. - Apparently, he couldn't breathe. Oh poor you my sweet little boy! God knows what would happen if I couldn't push you out in time... T__T
The picture above was my very first view of my baby.. The moment they have done with checking and cleaning him, they put him in the bassinet right next to my bed. I looked to my right and saw this beautiful baby boy looking so confused. hehe. Awww...you must be thinking why the world is not dark anymore, ha? hehe. We both looked at him and we cried. We can't believe that that's our son! Our first born! I looked at him and say "That's our son??! That's our first child? I'm a mother now? That little boy is mineeeee!". LOL.
My husband gave salam and recited the azan to his ears..and later, the nurse let me hold him and taught me how to nurse him. He latched on right away! Good job son. You're one brilliant baby! hehe.
They let me hold my baby for one hour in the labor room. It's our bonding session. Our first date. And I fell in love immediately. He looked to my eyes and I said, "Assalamualaikum... Hello little boy! I'm your mother!". And I cried while holding him. The feeling of meeting and holding your own baby for the first time, is amazing mashaallah. God is the greatest!
I was not really upset with my doctor the minute Ayden was born healthily and normal. Lol. Plus, I did not have any complications during labor and even after that. Maybe at that moment, I was just too shock and upset because it didn't happen according to the way I imagined or planned/wanted. So I guess my doctor really knew what he was doing after all. He's been doing it for many years already... But if you ask me if I want him to be my gynae again if I were to get pregnant once more, I'd say....umm..not really. hehe. I'd like to try someone else. Maybe after this a water birth! hehe.
But overall, I give my the whole labor experience an 8/10. I'm really glad that my labor was quite short. Some people were in labor for 15 hours or more. And I'm so glad mine was only 5 hours. Alhamdullilah. Everything went well. Thank you doctor for saving my son's life..and thanks for everything! :)
XOXO,
Ayden's Mommy.
